Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
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