Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
