if i died would you start the facebook group?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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