Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
