you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
