If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
