Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
