I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
