I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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