I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
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