We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
