my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize