He had one of those small greek statue penises
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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