Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
what day is it and did you see me today?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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