I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Can Purell be used as lube?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I want to be your penis for a week.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
