They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
