Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
