how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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