Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize