so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
