Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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