You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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