i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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