oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
