We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
