So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
