can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
