smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
