I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
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