i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
