I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
