Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
True strength comes from lack of pants
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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