I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
