Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
