if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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