I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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