I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
