I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
