im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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