I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
