Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Text me some of your sweat
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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