no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
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