Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
