chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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