Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
