two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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