i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
