Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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