I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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