Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
