GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
