U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
