Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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