And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
