Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
