my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
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