Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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