Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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