I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
