I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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