Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
