the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
