my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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