I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize