Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
