My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
