im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
