I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
