One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
