dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Randomize
