I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
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