whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize