Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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