he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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