i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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