last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
