She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
