My pussy is not your playground.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
