When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
