You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
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She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
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Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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