You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
