I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
