if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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