I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
